Sunday scaries: How to stop dreading Monday

So today I want to talk about dreading Mondays. I had the other day someone closing literally up on the Sunday afternoon. It’s like all of a sudden we talked about, the coming week, work. And I just could see how it just was like a layer coming over that person and started to tense. And the mind just kept thinking about, Monday, all the difficulties that can come up. And the body was reacting right away.

And it reminded me of a job I once had that was way before I became a full time yoga teacher. I was working in IT, which was at the beginning of the internet, literally. And so IT people were very, very in demand. And I got a job offer and something in me knew, I actually don’t want to do that job, but they kept throwing money at me, more and more and more, until I was like, I would be stupid not taking it.

But somehow I knew I betrayed myself by taking this job. And as well, on some days my body started to close up, and for me, that’s normally my lower back. I get totally, lower back issues, like I can’t bend forward or backwards, I have to sit really in a really good posture all the time to avoid pain.

So I did that job. It was about for two weeks or three weeks. And that back pain just got really worse and worse. And I just knew I have to quit. And I think it was about a month I stayed, or not even – and I quit the job. Funnily enough, two or three weeks later the whole company collapsed. The two partners got into a big fight. They shut down the office. No one got literally notified. They just arrived in front of closed doors and no one got paid, and the whole thing exploded.

So, that was a good lesson for me to trust my instincts and listen to my body. It’s kind of when I betray my instincts, when I actually know better, that’s when my body starts to flare up and give me signals. So since then, I actually tried to really listen to my body.

But the question is why do we dread the following week? What’s happening there? So for me, it was really, I didn’t follow my heart. I didn’t trust my instincts. That was my dread. But for other people, when they have a job, which is very demanding, for example, or a boss that is not happy with the kind of work they’re doing.

So your mind starts to think about it, right? So as soon as you remember Monday’s coming, you start thinking about Monday and your mind starts to list all the problems, or all the dreads, or all the fears, starts to list ahead of the time. And we create all those thoughts. And the body can’t really distinguish, is the situation real, or is the mind just, looking ahead. So the body reacts and we tense up, we glaze over. We get maybe back pain, or neck pain, or any kind of physical signals, although we haven’t even entered the office yet.

And this is really the interesting thing, we can bring our body into a state about the situation that is not even happening. We probably all know it in a positive way, when we look forward to an event or holidays. Yeah, we can get all giddy and really excited, and the body gets excited as well. But the event is not happening. It’s just us thinking about it that influences how we feel.

So the same thing happens when we start thinking about work that we don’t like, or have issues with people or anything. Even if the event is not happening yet. But we’re feeling the anxiety, the dread or the fear.

So what do we normally do? When we, let’s say Sunday, we know we have to show up on Monday. Normally we just list the problems and our body tenses up, whatever way that is for you. Everybody has a different body language. And instead of acknowledging this and working with that, we’re trying to find solutions. Or how can I avoid this or that person? What can I say in that meeting? So we try to literally find solution for that moment, but we are not looking at what’s happening in that moment.

So what would happen if you would acknowledge: wow, my mind is going into the future. I’m not in the present. And because my mind goes into the future, listing all these problems, my body starts to tense up. I’m reacting to it. And literally, the rest of my Sunday is gone.

So if we can, just as a first step, acknowledge that we’re not in the present, that our mind is going forward into the future, creating all this stress in my body, in the present. That is already a huge, huge step. Just being aware of that. Because we know when we’re looking for solution from a state of stress, of tension, the solutions normally never work, because we try to find a way around it, avoid it. This is our kind of the solutions we’re looking for, if we’re in a state of tension.

Because our brain, or mind, wants to protect us. It doesn’t want to solve our fears, it wants to protect our fears, literally. So if we can just stay in the moment, acknowledging our brain goes into the future and our body is kind of following that train of thoughts with tension, we can bring it back to the present. Why do we want to do that? Because if we need to find solution, we want to find a solution from a place of calm, of clarity, not tension.

So how do we bring it back to the present? As I said, first thing, be aware of it. Be aware of what’s happening. Acknowledge it. It’s okay. Don’t add another layer of tension or ‘shoulds’ to it. It’s okay. Your brain wants to do that. Your brain maybe used to do this every Sunday. Maybe it’s a pattern of yours. Just acknowledge it.

And then be aware of what’s happening in the body. Which body parts are you feeling tensing up, or pain, or whatever the body language is for you? For me, it’s the lower back. Maybe for you it’s getting tense here, or in the jaw, or… Try to figure out what it is for you.

And then we just feel that sensation in the body. Now we bring the whole focus on the sensations. So for me it will be just the lower back. And I observe that lower back pain just from a distance, literally just observe it. And what you really try to do is cutting off the story. You are not feeding the lower back pain with: oh on Monday is this, on Monday is that, or I have to face this and that. Just, there is pain in my lower back – that’s interesting, this pain yes, it feels tense, it’s a bit more on the right than on the left. Oh and I’m just going to observe it. And I’m just curious about, maybe that pain or that discomfort – maybe it changes shape, maybe it gets less, or it moves. And I’m just staying curious about the sensation in the body.

And if you manage to not keep feeding more thoughts to the back pain or to the sensation you experience in the body, you will see that within maybe two minutes, the pain or the sensation will lessen. Whatever sensation has been created by those thoughts, that intensity will lessen, or it will even go away.

Now, then the next step is, because we’re then in a place of calm and clarity, the next step is, what is it that triggers that dread in me about Monday? What is it exactly? Is it a co-worker? Is it the boss? Is it the workload? And now I can be clear about it. And not just: oh, I don’t want to go to work, and it’s this big mountain. Instead, it became maybe one or two single things that you don’t like about it.

And when you can actually dissect exactly what it is, you start also to move your awareness or your attention more specific onto that task or onto that person. So it’s not like all my co-workers are really, really stressed out and behave badly. You know now then exactly which person it is or which task it is. And when we start to slice it all down, it feels like it becomes manageable. It’s not just one big mountain. It’s one or two things.

And then the next question is, what can you do about it? Being aware of something, dissolving emotions, is one part of it. But the second part is, we need to take action. But when we take action, we want to take action from a place of calm and not from a place of tension, because then we are just reacting to everything that happens around us. But when we can be in a place of clarity, we act. We act on purpose. We don’t just react to our circumstances. So when we are clear about what it actually is, what Monday is presenting us, we can come up maybe with a solution, with what can we do for it?

And sometimes we’re just not ready to act. And that’s okay too. Sometimes we think: oh, I’m new in this job, everything is overwhelming, I shouldn’t act, I should just get through with the first three months. Or, the person you actually have to stand up to, is your boss. And if you stand up to your boss, there might be consequences. And maybe you’re not there yet to live with the consequences, to accept them. And that’s okay. Not every realisation about what triggers us needs to lead to massive change. Sometimes just acknowledging it, being aware of it, can be enough in the moment.

But more important is that it’s not going to be: oh, I can’t stand my work, I can’t stand my Mondays – that becomes: I really have difficulty with this person, I really feel I have too big of a workload. And then it’s not everything. It’s specific. And over the time, when you are aware and realise it, what it is specifically, your mind will tune in more towards specifically those topics, instead of just being overwhelmed by everything. And then you might start to actually find solutions. Or you become aware of opportunities or solutions presenting itself.

When we’re already aware of something, it’s kind of like our antenna is like wired to that specific issue. And it’s not just everything. And when we are or can tuned into a topic or anything, we start to see it. It’s for example, when you get married and you’re looking for wedding rings, all of a sudden you see everywhere advertisement and wedding rings, and you look at people’s fingers when you’re on the tube.

So that’s what I mean, you can wire yourself literally into topics, and then you start maybe noticing, oh, there is a gap, or there’s an opening, or there’s something I actually can do, or acknowledging the other person who has also issues maybe on Mondays. Little things you wouldn’t be aware of otherwise, because everything is so big and overwhelming.

So remember, first step, just be aware of what is happening when your mind goes into the future and how your body reacts. This is already a massive step. Becoming aware of that, you come back to the present moment, where life is actually happening, and not in the future.

If you experience any of that, please do share it with me. I would love to hear from you, and I really, really hope this was helpful. Thank you for listening.